Alone

This semester has been more difficult than last semester for sure.  I feel alone all the time!!! None of my roommates understand where I am in my life.  All except for one have never been in a relationship.  One went on a date for the first time this semester.  So suffice to say they don't understand where I'm at.  They don't get that Brian comes first.  I'd rather spend time with him than them.  The maturity difference is massive!  I hate being home because they are all slobs!  I tend to spend most of my time at Brian's apartment because my roommates don't understand homework time or study time.  They don't understand that if you make a mess in the kitchen you must clean it up.  Or the fact that the living room is not their extra room.  They don't get that being obnoxious isn't funny anymore.  It just gets rude.  Or the fact that you have to tell them to shut up if your on the phone because they will purposefully get louder.  I'm done!   I love my roommates they are great people and so much fun but I wish they would grow up and be more responsible.  I hate that I have to constantly ride my roommate and tell her to take her trash and throw it away.  I know walking the 5 ft to the trashcan is hard but it must be done.  I'm not their mom and I don't want to clean up after them.  I would like to walk into my apartment and feel comfortable and not feel completely grossed out.  I would like to hop in the shower and not find their hair on the wall.  I feel like I'm completely alone in my apartment.  I'm counting down the days until I don't have to live with them anymore.  I didn't want my last semester living with roommates to be bad.  I wanted it to be fun!

I've always been really good in school!  Most of the time it was without trying.  This semester however I feel like I'm doing a shiz job at school! I don't want to be here.  I want school to be over already! I have absolutely no motivation to be here!  I feel like my grades just suck! I know it's just because I'm stressed about planning a wedding and all that good stuff but there is absolutely no motivation for me.

I sometimes feel honestly no desire to go through the temple.  I know I know!  I know who is making me feel this way!  I know why he is but it sucks because I've been excited for this and dreaming about this since I was little!  I don't want any speeches about I need to do this more or that more.  Because honestly that just makes me want to tell them to shove it and walk away!  I don't want people's advice.  All I want is for someone to say I've been there. I want someone to listen to me.  I don't want them to talk just listen.  I want to not feel alone in this.  Because I do I feel alone constantly and it is not a good feeling.  I want a friend my age who understands.  I am just tired of being the only girl my age who is getting married.  I want people to understand and not judge.

I just want to feel not so alone this semester.