Becoming a Better Caitlin

So when I started this blog 3 years ago I started it just to kinda keep a journal.  I just wanted to be able look back and see all the memories. The good and the bad. Just to see how much I've grown.  But I've noticed I didn't like keeping this public journal especially not for the bad stuff.  I am way too private a person for that.  Except now, I feel this strange desire to post and become a less guarded and private Caitlin with a fear of being judged.  Because I am human and I'm going to make mistakes and fail.  And all that matters is that I get back up and try again.  My friends and family will always be there and stand behind me.  

So I was thinking about last semester and how awful it was. There were so many nights where I just cried because I was so alone and miserable. Not that Brian isn't amazing but sometimes you just need girlfriends.  (DISCLAIMER: It was all my fault.) I didn't have any girlfriends up here or not any close ones.  Now that I am married it is weird hanging out with single friends.  Not that they aren't awesome but we are just in different stages of our lives.  I just never put myself out there because I felt awkward and lame.  I just wanted so badly to hang out with the "cool girls" at church but I felt lame.  Again, it was all my fault!  The girls in my relief society are great and super nice.  It was just my perspective.  I wanted to be acted upon instead of me acting.  

Also, it was totally my attitude about being here. I hated Rexburg and everything it stood for.  I hated coming to school up here.  I hated school.  Granted I had some great classes but I just didn't want to do it. I hated the "bubble" here and that every one is LDS.  I noticed myself feeling so antagonistic with the church. Again, not the churches fault because I know it was true.  It was more the way people here take things to extremes with the church. I feel like my attitude about here has since changed dramatically.

Anyways, I changed my attitude.  I stopped thinking about being done with Rexburg and thought more of enjoying it while I am here. Rexburg is small and sometimes I just want to get out but I've met some great people here.  People that I will miss when we are gone. I know am getting an amazing education here. And I'm so lucky to receive this education for pretty cheap.

I found this quote that is awesome. 

"Sometimes when things aren't going right. We think we need to get away from a place or person. Sometimes that helps, but most of the time what we need to get away from is our old self and our selfish feelings." ~John H. Groberg~

And that is what I plan on doing to become a better Caitlin.  I want to forget about my selfishness and be better.

Caitlin

Little Reminders

I found this blog post after my friend posted it on Facebook   The post is called "Drops of Awesome". I don't know about anyone else but I feel like sometimes I get so caught up in my failures that I don't take the time to celebrate my victories.  That is what her post is about.  I know that sometimes after I do something good I start to tear myself down because it reminds me that I have failed so many times before.  In the post she gives the example of worshiping in the temple and how sometimes she felt like "big deal how many times have you not come."  I've realized that I do that to myself all the time. "You finished your homework early. Who cares! You'll procrastinate next time." "You made dinner and had it ready when your hubby got home. Doesn't matter he'll have to ask you to start dinner tomorrow."  "You read your scriptures tonight? You didn't last night or the night before." As I was reading the post I realized how much of my own worst enemy I am.  She talks about how to turn that around she started thinking "Drop of Awesome" every time she did something good. It was such a great reminder that we are awesome. I am awesome because I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father.  I have all the potential in the world to be something amazing because of Him.  I know that it will take small steps to become who Heavenly Father wants me to be.  I just need to remember to fill my bucket with drops of awesome  everyday and the Savior will do the rest.  He will bridge the gap so that I can become the best Caitlin I can be.  I am awesome!  
http://www.daringyoungmom.com/2012/12/19/drops-of-awesome/
I posted the link so that you can read the blog.  I promise that it is amazing and worth the time.

Vocal Point

For date night this week we went and saw Vocal Point.  They are an A Capella group from BYU.  They were so amazing! They sang hymns, top 40 hits, and older songs from Elvis:)  They sounded great and they were super funny.  The best part was that we scored the tickets for free.  *Little background.  Brian and I both weren't really sure if we wanted to go. Not sure if we wanted to pay the money to go see them but then Brian's friend and his wife couldn't go to the show and they gave us their tickets. So we decided what the heck lets go and if we don't like it we can leave.* Anyways, so I get there to the Hart and it is PACKED! (Brian had to run to another building on campus to get the tickets from his friend.) The lines were down the stairs and wrapped around the hallways. It was ridiculous! I couldn't really tell where the line started or ended so I just squeezed in next to some people and ended up by the front of the line. But we got good seats or as good of seats as we can get in the bleachers section. :)

They did a segment where they sang like 20 different songs that use the same 4 chords.  It was really cool!

On the way out I ended up buying their hymn CD. It is called "Lead thou me on" and is awesome. The first song on the CD is "Lead Kindly Light" which just so happens is one of my favorite hymns.  So I was pretty much sold!

Seriously though if you get the chance listen to the CD:)

"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life." ~Berthold Auerbach
Caitlin

Update

So I am actually loving Rexburg this semester! Yes, it is freezing but I finally feel like I belong here. I love my classes and teachers. This semester I am taking Women's Health (best teacher ever), Family Foundations, English 201, Developing World, and Anatomy and Physiology 265.  It'll be a busy semester but I am excited for it.  I really want to learn as much as possible this semester.  It is almost like my love for learning has come back this semester! 

We've been hanging out with our friends Jared and Chelsea a lot and it has been a blast.  I finally feel like I'm making more married friends up here which is way nice. I know last semester it was completely my fault that I didn't make that many friends. But this semester I am making sure to go out of my comfort zone to make friends.  (sidenote:  I feel so awkward when I try to make friends lol).  

So my goal for this semester is to declutter our apartment. Starting with Grace's room. I feel like I am in the beginning stages of hoarding.  Okay so it is nothing close to hoarding but I still have accumulated way more things than I want.  I just need to set aside a weekend to go through Grace's room and get rid of things.  

See it is a disaster zone. I really want to clean it up and make it into a guest room.

Beef Stew Recipe

I feel so domestic because I made from scratch Beef Stew and French Bread. 

It was pretty freaking delicious! Next time I would add more seasoning to the stew.  It was just a tad too bland for me.  But it wasn't anything that salt and pepper didn't fix. 

 Beef Stew

Ingredients 

2 pounds beef stew meat, cut into 1 inch cubes

1/4 cup all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper

1 clove garlic, minced

1 bay leaf

1 teaspoon smoked Spanish paprika

1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce

1 onion, chopped

1 1/2 cups beef broth

3 potatoes, diced

4 carrots, sliced

Directions 

Place meat in slow cooker. In a small bowl mix together the flour, salt, and pepper; pour over meat, and stir to coat meat with flour mixture. Stir in the garlic, bay leaf, paprika, Worcestershire sauce, onion, beef broth, potatoes, carrots. Cover, and cook on Low setting for 10 to 12 hours, or on High setting for 4 to 6 hours.